Love & Fear
by rburch
Summary: Another of my Monologues, This on shows Remus Lupin's thoughts after HBP


**Love & Fear**

I am a monster, something to be feared

I always dreaded the day that others would learn the truth about me.

But against all odds I found those who didn't care.

They became my first three friends, and I was happier than ever in my life.

It wasn't perfect; I didn't like the promises I had to break,

And there was Her, the brightest and most beautiful Witch in the world,

But what I was caused me to hesitate, and my friend captured her heart.

She learned what I was and didn't fear, and though I wished I had spoken sooner,

My happiness grew in the presence of their love.

I was there when you were born, and the Joy we all found in you was overwhelming.

But then it all ended.

In one night three of my friends lay dead, betrayed and murdered by the fourth.

I gladly watched them lead him away, wishing him more torment,

But I looked in his eyes, and saw the happy moments there.

I was broken, unable or willing to carry on.

Then I was given hope, the greatest of us all reminded me of you.

I wanted to take you, raise you as a monument to the ones who bore you,

But I am not a safe choice for a father, and so I let you go.

I waited, resisting the temptation to go to your side.

I watched you from afar, carefully to remain unseen by those who would know me.

I saw you struggle with the same fear and lack of friends that plagued my life.

And waited for the day when all that would change.

I was unable to watch you there, but I heard all that happened.

How like me you at last found friends, and broke rules.

I learned of your adventures, and your hardships from afar,

Wanting nothing but to be there, seeing it myself.

At last the chance came, and I took it eagerly,

But it was mixed in dark tidings.

The betrayer who caused so much grief was loose, and he was seeking you.

I rode the train to protect you from him, dreading the thought of fighting my friend.

But it had been a rough transformation, and my need for rest defeated my watchfulness.

I woke as you shared secrets with friends, but used deception to learn what you knew.

The ruse was almost discovered, but you disregarded the warning.

I was forced to defend you, but not from the one we feared.

I taught you to master fear, but my old fear of discovery returned.

I watched you struggle, and did all I could to help you.

Near misses made me fear for you all the more.

I watched you do stupid things, and did my best to correct you gently.

Then the impossible happened, and those long dead to me were alive.

Those taken in one night were returned to me, though it was bittersweet.

The truth was revealed, and my friends were once again at my side.

Lily lived in your mercy, James in your strength.

The traitor escaped because of my error, but your actions gave the night hope.

We had to part, but I never strayed far.

I watched you struggle and triumph against the odds as plots entangled you,

As friends died and as evil again walked the earth.

I fought the evil that most thought lies, and helped you rebel against stupidity from afar.

I did all I could to keep you safe, but still you were tricked.

Many rushed to save you, and though we succeeded,

We lost our brother in the trap meant for you.

I wished to grieve with you, but once again we were forced to part.

Grief passed quickly in the face of War, we were each too busy to dwell on it.

We saw each other only briefly as each worked to weaken the enemy,

But again a trap was sprung, and this time the greatest of us fell.

In the shock all seemed lost, but a miracle happened.

I found another who could love a monster, and this gave me hope.

We've lost many friends; we've made mistakes,

We've been battered and broken, but we are still standing against him.

We must part company again; you must find the means to destroy evil,

And I must ensure that the evil does not discover your actions.

We must risk all in the hope of a better world, a world where fear is destroyed by love.


End file.
